The lucky ones.

Friday was one of the saddest days I can ever recall. I am still mad that I let myself dwell on it and not just accept and move on. I knew the day was coming, I had over 2 weeks to prepare for it. Every soul I know has heard me whine and cry about it but still, the day came, and so did the tears.

Friday was Landon’s last day with our beloved Edgy. When I was contemplating returning to work I was sick over the fact of having to put L in daycare and an opportunity presented itself. Get ready to follow this chain; my best friend’s (Brittany) Mom’s (Miss Lesa) best friend (Miss Sue) happens to be one of the lucky ones. She has a live-in nanny for her 6 year old daughter. Given the fact that Ava was in school the majority of the day, Edgy was looking for some side work. It all just happened to work out for us, their (ginormous) house was on my way to work, it gave Edgy something to do during the day and she got a little side money. Landon loved her and I trusted her completely. She took him for long walks and taught him to wave bye -bye, gave him a bath every day before I picked him up and spoke Portugese to him. Right before the New Year, we learned Susan was getting married (surprise!) they had bought a house and were moving, taking Edgy with them. I had 2 weeks to find alternate child care.

My heart felt like it was being torn into a million pieces. Why couldn’t I be one of the lucky ones, that had the gift of being able to stay home with my baby? Why was Susan making such a quick decision? Why don’t I have a damn extra bedroom so Edgy could live with us? Why, why, why?!

I felt (and still do) like I want to lay on the ground like a child, kicking and screaming and have something go MY way, just this once. People, the tears, they were constant for almost four days. Mostly, they were for selfish reasons, because Edgy was so easy for ME. Convenient for me to drop him off, to pick him up, I didn’t have to deal with the illness often associated with daycare and he had 100% attention all day.

A daycare was found, on the recommendation of a few friends, a Montessori school close to my work. Deposit and tuition has been paid, to the tune of, omfg I’m going to be eating Vienna sausages for lunch until he starts kindergarten.

Friday came and I wept and wept and wept. I’m going to spare the details, my co-workers have seen me cry more than a few times in the past week. The house where Landon spent his first few months is now empty and soon a new family will fill it’s rooms (secretly I’m hoping there is a REASON it’s not been put on the market.)

Landon has begun his new journey, in a new place, without incident. No tears, no tantrums. I left him with a kiss, gently shutting the door behind me, I didn’t even look back through the small window in the door.

Plans have been arranged for a sleepover with Edgy in February.

To all of you, the lucky ones, be thankful everyday. My biggest wish is to be one of you.


~ by Kendall on January 17, 2011.

2 Responses to “The lucky ones.”

  1. Oh my, I feel for you, so much. We are pretty lucky, in that my mother-in-law watches my daughter 3 days a week, and I can stay home with her 1 day, but we had a 5th day that needed to be covered. While I didn’t form nearly the attachment with any one person that you did with Edgy, we still went through countless interviews and 3 different nannies. It’s a process, that’s for sure.

    I hope the Montessori school works out for you guys!

  2. that made me sad just thinking about how it must of felt for you. i’m glad you found some place that you like though, even if it’s no Egdy.:/

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