Dream a little dream

Or nightmare if you prefer. Last night in between my several (six) trips to the “facilities” to take care of some business; when I would finally drift back to sleep, I was having the oddest dreams. My dreams have never been reoccuring, until I got pregnant, that is.

Ever since that stick showed two pink lines, I have had one dream that keeps replaying. Breasfeeding and my inability to master it.

Last night I dreamt that Landon; who happened to be born a girl (hope that doesn’t happen because I have plans dude) was born three months premature (also really hope that doesn’t happen) and was able to leave the hospital with me that day. Weird. By the time we made it home he had somehow morphed back into the little boy God intended and we went about our merry way.

I had 4 boobs in this dream and only one of them was functioning properly. Oh ya, I said it, 4 boobs,  not nubbins but BOOBS! Big fat ones. Moving on, I tried to feed my now 4 year old bodied but only 1 month old baby and couldn’t get them to work. I could pump the one functioning like a champ and fill up a large bottle in less than a minute.

It was so odd. Upon waking I looked at Mark and said, why the eff do I keep dreaming about breastfeeding?!?

Honestly, I find the upcoming tasks so daunting and at this point, BF is my only concern. I hate having such a trivial concern considering so many other who have ACTUAL boob concerns, yaknow? I’m not even 100% sure that I want to even discuss the REAL concerns with breastfeeding that I do have because they sound so inherently silly, immature, and selfish, and I won’t because I don’t like to be judged man!

The one real concern I do have (and am willing to discuss) is the inability to not be able to provide my child with (what I think is) the best nutrition for the first few months of his life. When my nephew was born; I sat and watched as my Mom and Grandmother manhandled my poor sister’s boobage until she just couldn’t take it anymore. I walked in on her, top off, pumps on, tear streaked and hysterical more times than I’m willing to admit. Let me tell you if you’ve never seen a lady pumping, you are missing out because it.is.hysterical. She would pump and pump and pump to no avail. The most she ever produced was a few drops of colostrum. Sadly, Tyler never took to the boobie (in which we will tease him for until he is at least 21) and she gave up pumping and gave in to spending ass amounts of cash on formula.

While I am no expert and I have no right to say what is best for YOUR child, I do know what I choose to give mine.  At the same time, breastfeeding seems to be even more Hirculean a task than actually giving birth. At this point I have a bazillion more questions about breastfeeding than actually bringing him into the World.

What if he never latches? God help me, what if my nipples start bleeding? What is the right nursing bra? When will I ever sleep? What pumping system do I use? What bottles do I use? What milk storage system do I use? How does Mark fit into this? How long is breast milk good? When to transition to formula, if ever? What is this used for? What is that used for? On and on an on.

Like I said before, I hope none of my readers feel like I am trivializing the subject at hand but I am honest to God, nervous about it. I’ve tried Googling “Breastfeeding 101” but I feel like real advice from real women I love and respect is 100% more valuable to me than any stupid forum (where let’s face it, women can be judgey!)


~ by Kendall on January 8, 2010.

3 Responses to “Dream a little dream”

  1. I’m not judgey, but I certainly don’t have all the answers either. I do know that the lactation consultants I visted in the hospital (days and weeks after birth) were amazing. And a forum I frequent has a bf section with women who know SO MUCH and offer so much encouragement.

    I’m glad you’re thinking about, but please try not to stress over it. I was CLUELESS about how to do it, but just knew I wanted to. I had to surrender my boobs to strangers to get it done- it takes a village, they say.

    Just know this, VERY FEW WOMEN CAN’T BREASTFEED. Now, there are TONS who quit because it hurts or because it’s too much work or because they’re tired. But, physically not being able to- very few. It’s a very selfless thing, because that baby is counting on you for it’s life, regardless of if you’re tired or hungry or have to pee.

    The first two weeks are the hardest, they told me. And they were. Your nipples will probably bleed, but it’s temporary and there are treatments. I can send you links to bras that are awesome. You’ll sleep. You’ll figure out a pump. I’ll help you. With everything, even your hardest questions. And if I don’t know the answer, I’ll find out! All you have to do is let me! And, uh… STOP STRESSING!

    • Sara – thank you 🙂 your reply means alot to me! Trust me – I will be asking you a LOT of questions.

  2. I agree 100% with Sara!! You can do it, just stop stressing. The lactation consultants are awesome and will answer and and all questions you have. Some even help you before you have Landon. Just call the hospital and they will direct you to the right place. I breastfed Grant and Regan. It was wonderful once I got through the first few weeks. I couldn’t pump I tried with all three pregnancy’s and just didn’t produce enough. Good luck with this, it is a wonderful thing and don’t stress over it!!

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