In which I become a rahtard.

That’s right, rahtard. According to my husband, it’s a musical term that he says at least once a day and now, I am saying 75 times a day.

Here is the short list of stupid things I’ve done today.

  • Dropped a stack of catalogs on the floor … not once … not twice … but SIX times.
  • Had to ask a prospective client to spell her name FOUR times because why? Um, I’ve become dumb. Not to say that  I’ve always been smart but this has reached epic proportions.
  • While uploading an installer’s photos of a completed job – forgot to plug the USB cord into my computer then proceeded to freak the fuck out because oh shit! my computer is broken.
  • Um, forgot my last name and spelled my first incorrectly. I’ve only been using it for 24 years.
  • Date stamped my desk 3 times. New stamp, didn’t know how to use it. I finally swallowed my pride and asked somebody to show me how to unlock it. Then, forgot how to use it and sat at my desk like a dunce for the next 7 and a half minutes trying to figure it out again.
  • An installer named Leroy called for Max. I transfered the call and said, “Max – Max is on the phone for you.”
  • Hole punched 300 pages ON.THE.WRONG.SIDE. I am awesome.
  • Dropped my gas cap UNDER my car and had to crawl under to get it.

Please dear readers, keep in mind that it is only 1:22 and my official working day didn’t start until 9:00 am. I still have a wholelotta day left!

While I have you here, I might as well mention that today I’ve been feeling Lando either sucker punching me or practicing his UFC leg kicks (I’m 98% sure his daddy is rooting for him to train for UFC.) I am also sure that feeling movement is a direct result of the tightness of my jeans today. Something in my gut (ha!) was telling me not to wear my maternity pants yesterday, that if I wore them I would never want to go back to my pre pregnancy pants and that feeling was absolutely correct.

Speaking of maternity pants (Motherhood full panel, if you were wondering) if I was ever about to be pushed out of an airplane, wearing my maternity pants I could most certainly use them to bungee cord myself to the plane and make it out no worse for the wear. Shortly after opening them on Christmas I proceeded to hold them above my head and see how (boingy?) the material was that is used for the tummy panel. I have seen industrial strength rubberbands with less bounce/stretch.

My lack of willingness to work this week has reached a new level of lazy. At the suggestion of Sara I have been reading this blog um, pretty much all day. Our bosses aren’t here so I can get away with it for at least today.

While I have pretty much nothing to do I thought it might be fun if my readers (I’m not entirely convinced there are any left) suggested some must have baby items. Please, save yourselves the keystrokes and don’t mention the Diaper Genie because I will not be utilizing one. I’m pretty old fashioned when it comes to oh, using a plastic grocery bag and disposing of them in the trashcan. This lady has no need for poppy “pearl like” clusters. Pass.


~ by Kendall on January 5, 2010.

10 Responses to “In which I become a rahtard.”

  1. Pack and play. They are one of the best inventions EVER! You are over halfway there! I am jealous.

  2. Not a Diaper Genie. SO MUCH BETTER.

    The Diaper Champ doesn’t require any special bags, and keeps your house totally odorless (unless you let the diaper ferment or something!). My sister used this with both of my nieces and it ROCKS.

  3. Yep, you’re definitely pregnant! (Not sure I’ve ever misspelled my OWN name though)
    Exciting that you are finally feeling him!! 🙂

    I don’t use any special diaper disposal system. I walk my happy ass to my back door by the garage, open it and throw dirty diapers in the trash can located just outside that door. If it is an extra gross one I will tie it up in a Target bag first. 🙂

    So far here are some things we LOVE:

    ~Miracle blanket. (my Houdini baby busts out of anything else)

    ~Fisher Price Rainforest Mobile. It plays for 18 minutes at a time and comes w/a remote so you can restart it from afar if he’s still “playing.” He loves it. Don’t waste your money on the overpriced cutesy ones that match baby bedding. They’re way too boring to hold their attention anyway.

    ~Video Monitor. It has kept this worry wart from going into his room 587 times a day to check on him and his every whimper. Or to make sure he’s breathing. Or to make sure he’s just, you know, THERE.

    ~Swing. sometimes this is the only place he’ll well nap during the day

    ~Pack and Play (w/bassinet). Perfect for him to sleep in at night in the beginning. (or first few months!) He can be right next to you for all those round the clock feedings. Especially when they are every 2 hours when he’s tiny.

    ~Baby Bjorn Air Carrier & Moby Wrap. These are both great if you plan on wearing your baby. Sometimes I wear him around the house while I’m busy doing other things.

  4. I agree with the pack and play. Also, a boppy pillow. It will help you hold him, it will help him sleep (my last one, he would only sleep if someone was holding him and the boppy made him feel like someone was holding him), it will also help him sit up and have some tummy time…it was a life saver for me! Lots of burp cloths and my favorite burp cloths were cloth diapers. And a swing is a must. Mine loved the Aquarium one but I think it has been replaced by the Rainforest one.

  5. Definitely a Boppy, like Kayce said! Jackson loved the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders aquarium when he was a little older. Also one of the Fisher Price bouncy chairs. That was a lifesaver!

  6. Thanks guys – I think I’ve got most of that covered. Boppies are a miracle sent by the hands of God! I *ahem* came into possesion of my nephews after he became to big for it and now use it to sleep with. I also got a full size Boppy for Christmas which has made my life much more comfortable!

    I agree with the aquarium bouncy (my nepehw had one that will be Landon’s at my Mom’s house) but I went ahead and registered for the waterfall/jungle theme one. It still has the lights and music which is all I care about!

    Any suggestions for bottles? I registered for the Avent starter packs but I just don’t know anything about bottles. I’m hoping to breast feed/pump – so do you pump directly into bottles or bags?

    It’s all so confusing!

  7. I obviously have no advice or knowledge on the whole pumping thing. Hopefully Sara will chime in.

    Dr. Brown’s bottles have worked well for us. Their vented system keeps all air out of the milk which is important if you BF because air can reduce the amt of Vit C when it passes through. (or so the studies say) Also, their patented system is designed to reduce negative pressure inside the bottle which can cause ear infections.

    I’m not saying everyone should use Dr. Bs bottles (I never tried any other kind) but they seem to work great for us.

    What did you decide about diapers? Cloth or disposable?

    I also never used a wipes warmer, even having a winter baby!

  8. I used both Avent and Dr. Brown’s bottles, and was happy with both. I switched to Dr. Brown’s when Jackson started having reflux problems, and they helped a lot. I only pumped for a few months, with an Avent pump, and put it directly into the bottles. It’s been 7 years for me, so I am having to refresh my memory!

  9. Steph – I think I’ve decided to just go with disposable for now because he will be in daycare shortly after he is born or with my grandmother. (Insert sad face here)

    I’m under the impression that most daycares won’t be willing to work with cloth so until I can either stay home with him or have enough $$$ to send him to a daycare willing to use cloth, disposable it is.

    Let’s just all cross our fingers that Mark gets this job we are hoping for so I can stay home 🙂

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