*Warning* This post is full of bitch.


 

I’m not sure what is making my mood so particularly foul this day but I have dark, angry, sad thoughts racing through my mind at a bazillion miles a minute. There doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. Perhaps it’s the dark rainy weather or the fact that I haven’t had a decent night’s rest in weeks.

 

Here are a few of the things currently bothering/bugging/making me sad.

 

  • My bank account is reflecting $68.33 : thirty of those to come out later today for a bill payment that hasn’t cleared yet. I got paid this past Friday. I have to make $38.33 last until October 23rd. Ha. I live 20 miles from my office, 40 miles per day, gas is at about $2.17 a gallon.
  • My acid reflux/heartburn makes me want to cry. It is painful and beyond uncomfortable and unless you have had chronic reflux, you can kindly shut the fuck up.
  • I haven’t been able to schedule a doctor’s appointment because 1.) no answer from Medicaid 2.) $38.33 ain’t gonna pay for an intial O.B. visit
  • Not only do I only have $38+ in my bank account, I had to take a day and a half off last week to get our A/C fixed so I will be  minus 12 hours from my next paycheck. SUPER!!
  • $300+ and 5 days to fix the A/C. Enough said.
  • My husband’s teeth are falling out of his head and we can’t get them fixed. He needs to have 2 front teeth pulled and get a “flipper.” He is chronically in pain, can barely eat and I am trying my best to help him through this but, efforts are failing.
  • I haven’t had a BM in 4 days. I have eaten 5 Fiber bars. Nothing.
  • My sister’s are annoying. AS HELL.
  • The Scentsy transition is a clusterfuck of epic proportion. Good job Scentsy.
  • I am in a constant state of gag.
  • The stepchild peed in her bed this weekend. I won’t even broach the other issues we are having with her. It makes me angry and sad that my words and wishes go wholy un – noticed. I can talk until my lips fall off but, I can’t do anything so, that’s that.
  • My laptop is broken.
  • My pants don’t fit.
  • I haven’t seen my friends in longer than I’d like to admit. I want to go to lunch with them but, $38.33 (it ain’t in the budget.)
  • I want to know what it feels like to have money in the bank. I want to go to Target and not feel bad about buying $6.00 on leggings for the girl because, um, it’s getting cooler and she only has shorts.
  • I don’t want to be rich, I want to have financial stability.
  • I keep thinking to myself, “when will it get better?” At some point it has to get better right? God only doles out so many blows before he/she says enough is enough, right?
  • I don’t want to be a complainer or a whiner or bitchy.
  • I want to be able to be mad without feeling bad about it and not having to apologize for it.
  • Why in Hell do I see all this dirt that I never saw before and for fuck sake, why can’t I get my ass off the couch long enough to clean it?
  • If I have to deal with one more snake, spider, frog, toad or other amphibious, reptillious creature in my house, I am going to go bezerk. What.the.fuck.
  • I need a break. I feel as if I am about to lose it. I am stretched to my very limit.
  • Oh also, shut the fuck up about Obama. Seriously. He is your President. For the next 4 years. Whether you like it or not. Your bitching is going to do NOTHING to change it. If I have to hear how much everybody hates Obama for the next 4 years, I’m going to shoot myself in the fucking face. Seriously.

 

Sigh. Rant over but I still feel an overwhelming amount of sadness right now. I think I’ll listen to Miranda Lambert’s “Virginia Bluebell” on repeat for the rest of the day.

“Carryin’ the weight on the end of a limb, you’re just waitin’ for somebody to pick ya up again.

Shaded by a tree, can’t live up to a rose, all you ever wanted was a sunny place to go.

Pretty little thing, sometimes you ‘gotta look up, and let the world see all the beauty that you’re made of, ’cause the way you hang your head, nobody can tell, you’re my Virginia Bluebell.

Even through a stone a flower can bloom, you just need a little push, spring is comin’ soon.

Umbrella in the rain; let it roll off your back, weather what you can; realize what you have.”

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~ by Kendall on October 5, 2009.

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