Operation True Religion

Here we are on Day 2 of Operation True Religion Jeans. I plan on fitting my ass, however large it may be, into a pair of Tru Religions at least once in my life. To hell with how much the cost.


The initial findings are that I have lost about 5 pounds.


*tap, tap*

Hello, is this thing on?



It seems un-natural I know but, movement of the scale spawns me to keep going (ps. I’m pretty aware it was all stored water weight, you may keep those thoughts to yourself or risk getting a kick to the baby maker. I will find you.)

Yesterday was a new experience for me what with the whole, not eating everything that should come within reaching distance of my grubby and rather quick and nimble filanges (philanges?)

I woke at the ungodly hour of 8:30 (I’m supposed to be to work at 8:00, winner!) stumbled down the stairs with my hair piled on top of my head, greasy and uncombed. As I was wrestling with that damn dog to get him outside to pee it dawned on me that, shit I don’t have anything healthy to eat, the bananas are all black and wait, I can’t eat bananas. I found a stale bag of 100 calorie oreo chip things. He told me to eat SOMETHING and Texaco’s aren’t generally known for their nutrionally savory foods.

With my belly appeased with a few stale Oreo (crackers?) I took my very first dose of Phentermine and headed off to work (pants buttoned this time, thankyouverymuch.)  10:30 rolled around as I cruised around on Google Reader and Galleywinter and other various social networking sites that I’ve been banned from at work I realized, I wasn’t hungry. ‘Round these parts when 10:30 rolls around, unusaul noises begin emminating from the nether regions known as, my gut (I’m not entirely sure I spelled emminating right, get over it, I’m a designer not an English major.) Yesterday, there were no noises to be heard. I figured I’d better get in my morning snack if I was going to follow the plan like I promised I would. I perused our ‘fridge and found a package of Provolone cheese I had bought a few weeks ago. 2 slices of good old stinky provolone cheese down the gullet (PS. I think all cheese stinks. Period. End of story.)


At lunch time I climbed upon my trusty steed which led me faithfully to our local Kroger store. Firstly, Kroger, why do you have to put the produce section directly behind the bakery? You should all go fuck yourselves. Secondly, would you mind sanitizing your meat/seafood department because sweet Christ-a-mus it smelled like a dirty vagine, which is not at all appealing to a girl shopping for lean meats and seafood.

After perusing the aisles and cursing the grocery Gods for such clever store planning (i.e. nuts and seeds located directly to the right of the Little Debbie snack aisle) I made my way to the checkout. Recovering from the shock of spending eighty damn dollars on fruits and vegetables I took stock of my goodies out at the car. Peaches, Plums, Cucumbers, Tomatoes, Oranges, Tangerines, Pineapple, Spinach, Carrots, Red Apples, Green Apples, Strawberries, Raspberries, oh my!

Lunch yesterday was 3 chunks of Tyson oven roasted chicken breast which for the record, is disgusting. Tyson, do you think covering your chicken in brine flavored slime is appealing to the masses? I think not. I also managed to eat a string cheese, it took me 20 minutes but, I managed. I just did NOT want to eat yesterday.


I had one more snack, a peach which was delish. When I got home I commenced chop-o-thon 2009, it lasted approximately 2 hours but, now I have snacks a-plenty! Just look at my fridge would you!




I cooked up an entire bag of chicken tenders (unbreaded) on my trusty ‘ol George and bagged them 3 to a bag so I can just grab my lunch as I head out the door. I have a feeling George and I will be BFF’s by the end of this.


All in all I would say this little plan of mine is proving to be effective. I did however get intensely hungry at about 11:00 PM last night. Quick fix by just taking my meds later in the day. I will say that, Holy Shit, my house is clean as a whistle and I didn’t sit down until it was bed time and even then, my mind just would not settle. I fell asleep pretty quickly but was awoken by weird dreams (Basco buying $1000+ in Scentsy merchandise from me, lol) and couldn’t get back to sleep.


I’m feeling pretty good today with my initial weight loss and am looking forward to the next week to see if the progress continues. I am *this*  much closer to a pair of True Religions (I have a weakness for designer denim which is hard to come buy when you wear a size 20 – 22.) I wear Suki jeans in case you were wondering, they can be found at macys.com and/or torrid.com


See you guys tomorrow also, LURKERS (yea, you!) come out of hiding wouldya? We are all friends here, I don’t bite, unless you are holding a donut and in that case, you are in BIG trouble.


~ by Kendall on August 20, 2009.

5 Responses to “Operation True Religion”

  1. aaannnd I’m jealous of your fridge. Way to go on the planning ahead and organization!

  2. I’m so proud of you!! And keep making yourself eat- your body needs food to speed up your metabolism!

  3. Oh and I bought a pair of Seven’s online (ridiculously on sale) not too long ago and it was a JOKE trying to get them up, much less buttoned. I had every intention of returning them, but somehow they’ve managed to stay, so now they’re just motivation.

  4. YOU GO GIRL!!!! Way to be prepared!!

  5. $1000 in Scentsy! Whoa!!! that is funny though.

    Keep up the good work Kendall!

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