No thanks, I’m fat today.


I have been pondering this post for the past few days. You know, one of those thoughts that you have in your head right before you fall asleep moments? The other night right before I dozed off I thought, I need to talk about this on my blog. The next day I completely spaced and forgot I had even thought about it, the day after that, I remembered I had something but, I couldn’t remember what it was.


This morning, I finally remembered. Blame it on the alcohol. Sorry Baby Jesus.


This one might be offensive and it might make me out to be a prude or even worse a, sexually repressed middle aged hag. Even though I’m not middle aged at all. You might want to “Mark as read” before going any further and, honestly, I won’t be mad at ya.


I’ve been reading alot of blogs (I have like 100+ subscriptions in my Google Reader) and I have never seen the subject broached. So let me be the first.


When I’ve gained alot of weight, I don’t really find sex all that enjoyable. I mean sure, it feels good and I like it just fine but, more days than most I find myself dreading bed time. I know Mark is going to roll over and initiate the *brownchickenbrowncow* and I almost always find myself more annoyed than anything. Call me lazy but, sometimes, I would just rather go to sleep. Half the time, I don’t want to because, I feel gross, and fat and jiggly.


I mean c’mon, there is nothing sexier than doing the *brownchickenbrowncow* when all you want to do is rip off a man fart. Just keepin’ it real. Even sexier is when I hear him takin’care of business ifyaknowwhatimean and the bathroom door opens to reveal the noxious fumes only a man can produce. Yea, that’s REALLY  when I want to get sexy. Not even a little bit.


Am I offending your virgin sensibilities yet? Sorry Baby Jesus. It needs to be discussed.


I found when I was much thinner, say 40 pounds ago, I had no problems with the *brownchickenbrowncow*


I guess what I’m trying to say here is, if I need to lose weight for anything, it should be for a healthy sex life with my almost husband. Perhaps I should stop stuffing 6 pieces of cornbread in my pie hole (which I may or may not have done last night) and washing it down with half a jar of pickles. I have a problem. I went to bed last night with a rip roaring hiney cringing stomach ache that left my almost Husband in a rather pissed off mood this morning.


I haven’t been doing so hot on WW this week. I need some motivation. I weighed in on Saturday and, i didn’t gain but, I didn’t lose either. So, 3 lbs it is. How long have I been doing this?


How is everybody else doing? Leave me some comments and say hello, I know you are out there!


~ by Kendall on November 24, 2008.

4 Responses to “No thanks, I’m fat today.”

  1. God, I can’t tell you how much I relate to all this. It’s like you’re picking thoughts from my mind and blogging them. It’s a lil freaky, I’m not gonna lie. Anyway, I know exactly how you feel, on all fronts. I can’t say that I’ve really felt GENUINELY sexy for like the last 4 years, and it really starts to take it’s toll. Bryan suffers all the time because of my lack of self confidence. All I can say is, just keep trucking. Mel suggested to me that it might be better to try and maintain the weight loss I have already achieved through this week, and the week of Christmas. I think it’s a splendid idea, so maybe think about that? I hate when I get in ruts, so I know exactly how you feel. I’m not doing spectacular, but I’m also not doing half bad, so just keep up the good work, and let go of the set-backs!! I’m rooting for ya! 🙂

  2. I know these feelings, I know them well.. I wish I had some more supportive things to say but you know I can’t be when you atleast have the option of *brownchickenbrowncow* hahah I kid I kid… You have to feel sexy to be sexy and you know when you are gassy it just ain’t happen… So chin up buttercup.

  3. You are so funny. I might be full of funny phrases but “sorry baby jesus” and “brownchickenbrowncow” are two I have not heard of and I am cracking up.

    Uhh… on sex… I will join you on getting down and dirty on a subject often avoided by bloggers (including me but I am thinking about it now). Well, I enjoy sex (or various forms of it) until I have to do any kind of physical labor. For instance, being on top. At my weight now (and before I lost the first 30 pounds) I just don’t have the stamina to enjoy being on top. I used to LOVE it and now, not so much. Also, sometimes I am just tired out from the day or feeling bad about my body and don’t want to be touched (poor husband)!

    It is nice to imagine being able to have strenuous sex and not be afraid of a heart attack. I am also looking forward to being able to bend certain ways again without my body in the way. It is certainly a part of the motivation I have to continue changing my body.

    I don’t have any words of wisdom that you can’t get from a book. I do want to share what I am working towards. I am really pushing myself to look at who I WAS and the kinds of things I did (like gain weight all the time). Now, whether I lose one pound a week or six, I can see that I am changing in some way. Life doesn’t seem to be made up of only BIG steps- it takes little ones too. Even keeping my weight steady can be seen as a baby step in the right direction because I have never done that either.

    I would say, just try to see little things as change too. Putting the label of “accomplishment” on something even as small as… eating veggies with my dinner… can point one in the right direction.

    Keep making baby steps!!

  4. You’re hilarious! Manfarts, and smells only a man can make! I actually dated a guy who really thought women didn’t fart, and his whole world view collapsed when he lived with a tiny Asian woman who farted often and loudly.

    My weight also effects my sex drive, especially with new men. I’m just starting to date someone, and I’m wondering how gross he’s going to think I am when we actually get down to business

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