Weddings and diets don’t mix.


I tried my hardest to eat well these past few days but, my good intentions were lost on donuts and Denny’s Meat Lover’s Scrambles. Sorry Baby Jesus.


As you may or may not know (you should by now) my older sister got married on Saturday. Truth be told, I don’t remember any of it. I was trying so hard not to be the ugly snot faced crying bridesmaid, I didn’t pay attention to 95% of the ceremony. Again, Baby Jesus, my sincerest apologies.


If I haven’t mentioned it before, I lose my shit at weddings. I don’t even have to know the damn person, I cry when I see weddings on TV. I’m batshit crazy like that. I cry when babies are born too. What can I say? I’m a sucka for love.


Back to the things I digested this weekend, this is, afterall a blog about dieting. I didn’t set that bar to high for myself knowing I would only dissappoint.


Tuesday night – We tied ribbons on programs at my sister’s house. 3 pieces of pizza and 4 beers. Go me.


Wednesday night – Hm. I know I ate a Grilled Chicken sandwich from Chik Fil A for lunch. Can’t rightly remember what I had for dinner.


Thursday – Sandwich for lunch. Denny’s Deliciously tempting and fattening Meat Lovers Scramble. Yea baby. Sadly, I only got to eat 1/4 of you, oh how my heart breaks. I did however, get to eat some Smothered Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing. I could hear myself getting fatter. It was delightful.


Friday – I cannot think for the life of me what I ate Friday morning. Rehersal dinner was, the worst fajitas I’d ever experienced in the history of ever, on a boat, that was rocking and I almost vomited. Oh wait, I just remembered what I had Friday for lunch, a crawfish poboy. It was yummy. I also consumed several beers. I literally said “To Hell with you, Weight Watchers!”


Saturday morning I woke up, thanking God I was no longer on a boat, on Lake Conroe, wishing I was dead. I also woke up Saturday morning cursing God for inventing Miller Lite. I reckoned the only possible cure for my hangover was a trip to the donut shop, and off I went. I drove 10 miles to spend 42 American dollars on donuts. Well, I lied, not just on donuts, I bought 10 drinks and 6 kolaches also.


Chill people, it was for like 10 people and 2 VERY hungry little girls who ate 3 donuts and 1 kolache each.  I was stunned by their ability to eat like grown men.


Saturday morning, I proceeded to get my hair did and my makeup done without eating much of anything. However, I did consume my weight in Mimosas. God bless you Andre and your $4 champagne. Fast forward to the 3 hours before the reception, we got to our room, with our little snackies and such. I had one little sliver of a sandwich before the ceremony. The actual ceremony went off without a hitch. Well, Averi, one of the flowergirls slapped her sister Jade and everybody started laughing but, other than that, all was well in wedding land.


After Kelli became Mrs. Garrett, we were coralled into a room until all the guests left so we could take more pictures. Yes, more pictures. I really can’t wait until the profesh pics are published so I can show y’all! After the picture frenzy we made our way to the reception location, which was right by the lake. My sister wanted to take a picture of the wedding party on one of the docks. Problem, it was feckin’ cold in Houston on Saturday. Like, really cold, like so cold my insides were shaking cold. We finally got the picture, thank the baby jesus.


You know the upside to being a bridesmaid? You get to eat first. It’s awesome. Too bad I didn’t actually eat. I had a few Au Gratin potatoes but, I was so busy talking to out of town family and folks I hadn’t seen in forever, I didn’t have time to actually sit down and eat. For the most part, I drank my dinner. Most of my night was spent, dancing, spinning little girls, talking, and drinking.


The drinking probably contributed to the barfing later, or so I thought. I made it home and laid in bed and my world began to spin (I hate that shit.) I decided if I was to get any sleep, I’d better take care of the problem, and I did. I passed out shortly after only to wake up an hour later, I had to haul ass to the bathroom, where I got sick again, and again, and again. I got sick every 10 minutes for the next 6 hours. You do the math. I think I puked every ounce of anything I had eaten in the last 4 days. It was so bad that I was chugging and I mean chugging water in between puke o rama so I would actually have something to throw up.


I ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor with a roll of toilet paper as my pillow. I had zero energy to walk to the couch. It turns out, I got a stomach bug from my oldest sister and I gave that stomach bug to my mom. Sorry Mom! I spent all of Sunday in bed fighting a pretty savage fever.


Today is Thursday, my last day of freedom before I start back up on WW. I am going to weigh in and see what kind of damage I did to my 3 lbs. Wish me luck.


~ by Kendall on November 20, 2008.

2 Responses to “Weddings and diets don’t mix.”

  1. Glad the wedding went well. Sorry to hear about that stomach bug. I hope the bride didn’t get sick!

  2. Good luck Kendall! You’ve been missed! I’ve literally been checking your blog everyday for an update, only to find nothing. 😦 It’s good to have you back, my dear!

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