How to dress a fatty.


 

The biggest problem in my fat butt world is, I like cute clothes. Cute clothes for fat girls? Not so much. I am EXTREMELY limited in where I can shop.

 

My first and always choice is, Torrid, it is the sister company to Hot Topic but, caters to fatties like me. While being the sister store to Hot Topic (think leather bustiers and stripper shoes) they also have some pretty low key, toned down “dress up” clothes.

 

My biggest obstacle in finding clothes that I like and am not embarrassed to wear, jeans that are long enough and fit me the way I need them to. See, when you are fat, you have what I call a spare tire, others prefer muffin top. I hate the muffin top, I despise the muffin top. I do however, love muffins, which is what got me in the pickle I am today.

 

I digress, I camouflage the spare tire (let’s call it the ST) as best I can. I pull the waist band up over my belly button to prevent any lose flab from showing (It’s grannyish, I know.) When said pulling of pants occurs, naturally, they shrink in length.

 

My biggest pet peeve? Jeans that don’t touch the floor.

Ohhhh, it aggravates me. It gives me a complex to be completely honest with you. It makes my eye twitch and my pancreas quiver. I once heard everytime you wash/dry your jeans, they shrink 1/4 of an inch. My jeans have not seen the inside of a dryer in the last 6 years. Scouts honor.

 

Anyhow, it’s really hard for me to find jeans that I truly and honestly love. I generally buy a pair of jeans and wear them everyday.  I’m gross like that. They don’t smell, I promise.

 

The second and only other place I shop is Old Navy. Only for their shirts though, Old Navy makes pants for people with minature crotches. Honest. Not to be gross but, seriously my inseam is not that small. And what fancy-pants-designer decided that all plus sized women have big boobs? They should be hung by their toenails and drug across all of South America, behind a mule, with irritable bowel sydrome.

NEWS FLASH FANCY-PANTS-DESIGNERS!!! NOT ALL BIG WOMEN HAVE BIG BOOBS!!!

 

While I’m on the topic, who thought plus sized patent leather leggings would be cute?

 

Uh, no ma’am.

 

I’m off to cry about my fat ass and muffin top now.

 

Advertisements

~ by Kendall on November 4, 2008.

One Response to “How to dress a fatty.”

  1. I just ran into your blog and I am cracking up about this post because I lose my cool sometime because every shirt I try on that fits my waist bags in the boobs… I don’t even have small boobs (c-cup)!! And it looks funny to have a baggy boob area! I can continue on about all kinds of shit… NOT EVERY FAT WOMAN HAS HUGE HIPS, NOT EVERY FAT WOMAN HAS A WAIST (AND SOME, IN MY CASE, HAVE A BEER GUT), NOT EVERY FAT WOMAN HAS ITSY-BITSY SHOULDERS (YES, SOME OF US RETAIN LARGE ATHLETIC ONES…).
    I love your honesty!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: