Louisiana is bad for the waist line.


This weekend a group of us girls traveled to Louisiana for some general bachelorette daubchery. My sister, as you might know, is getting married in a few weeks. Thank God it will be over soon.

 

Oh and, I joined Weight Watchers. Again. For the 4th time. Here we go again. I have 29 points a day.

 

Friday night, I was drug by my hair and pulled by my toenails to Tumbleweed to support my man. The band was opening up for Honeybrowne. (This is where I need to tell you, this is going to be a boring post, I’m all out of witty today.) Anyhow, I didn’t want to go, knowing I had to be up super early the next morning, I have mountains (literally Mark and I have to crawl over our small mountain every morning) of laundry sitting on my bedroom floor, and I didn’t want to drink my calories away. I went anyway, I’m a sucker. I drank alot of beers. Like, at like 8 or 9 or 13. Do the calories still count if the beers wind up in the toilet at the end of the night (gross, I know!) but, seriously?

 

The next morning started out well enough, Mark and I had a Waffle Breakfast together. I was still drunk, it was lovely. We arrived in Lake Charles and went out to the pool for lunch. I thought I did pretty well on the order front. I got a Chopped Salad with Hearts of Palm, Asparagus, Cucumbers, Tomatoes, Feta, and Grilled Chicken. I didn’t eat the whole thing, it was ginormous. I had 2 Miller Lite’s at lunch. Shut up, I’m on vacation.

Fast forward to the pool. Oh god. Mortification to the max. I felt better when we passed the 400 lb woman sunbathing in a bikini. Vomit inducing. Seriously. I drank 3 ML’s poolside before we decided to hit the room for showers and penis cake. Yes ladies, penis caked. You all know what I’m talking about. Be ready to applaud, I did not have one piece. NOT ONE! Not even a little icing. Be proud ladies, be proud.

 

 

We went for dinner at the Jack Daniel’s Bar & Grill, the current sight of “Kendall losing her shit.” I ordered Pork Chops and Mashed Potatoes. It’s shameful, I know. I died of shame. My order came out and the Pork Chops (yes plural) were breaded. Why 2? What the hell! As we were finishing up our meal, the waitress came over and said a couple who had seen us, added $100.00 to our tab. We only had to pay $20.00. Seriously, the next time I ever see a Bachelorette party, I’m going to pay it forward.

 

We saw bikini lady at dinner who we nicknamed FuPa, which my sister says is the female version of a dicky doo. Let that sink in your brain. I’ll explain if you still don’t get it.

 

I’m sorry Baby Jesus for the above post. It was funny and it made me feel better about myself.

 

After dinner, we headed to the Casino. Free drinks = fat girl. Just sayin’ We spent a few hours in the Casino where I lost close to $200 which is the amount I came with. After spending all of my money but about $60 bucks we headed to “The Club” and encountered some of the biggest deuchbags on the face of the earth. We danced, we drank, we laughed. Here are a few photographic memories (it’s a good thing somebody took pictures!)

 

Amanda, Myself and Dena

Amanda, Myself and Dena

All of us ladies with our penises. This picture took about forever to get right.

All of us ladies with our penises. This picture took about forever to get right.

I grew a penis and, it's really small.

I grew a penis and, it's really small

 

I somehow ended up in the Casino. I won all of my money back plus more! I didn’t go to bed until after 4 am and woke up at 8:30 am. It was not pleasant. At. All. We headed to Cracker Barrel for breakfast where I consumed enough calories for 3 days. Double Meat Breakfast. Yea baby.

 

Back on track today. I promise.

 

Only a few more weeks until the wedding. I better start looking for a good girdle or corset. Any suggestions?

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~ by Kendall on October 28, 2008.

One Response to “Louisiana is bad for the waist line.”

  1. We all have our days… just jump back on track again girlie. We can’t deny ourselves ALL the time. Good luck with the WW!

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