Murder in the Hernandez house


 

Yup, I was almost on the 7 am news this morning. I almost murdered my almost husband. It’s true. Why? You ask. Here is the story.

 

Yesterday was the 3rd day of my Road to Skinny Bitchness, I did so good. I had toast in the morning, raw almonds for a snack, and whole wheat tortillas with guac and turkey for lunch. Then, then, then … I went to my mom’s house to “babysit” her house while the workers were there. What do I see sitting on the counter, beckoning my name? Shipley’s doughnuts. Donut holes and Blueberry Donuts.

 

Fuck.

 

Look past them fat girl, just look past, you don’t need them.

 

Sitting on the couch, watching Oprah, I could see the little white bag out of the corner of my eye. It was killin’ me.

 

I got past it, then, my perfect size 6 mother comes home. I was sitting on the counter, we were talking of weddings and babies and all things not food. Then, BAM! A giant size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos appears.

 

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

 

Then, a Diet Coke appears.

 

Dear Lord, please get me through this, I promise I will never say fuck again.

 

6 hours of watching my mother torture me with all the caloried packed foods I usaully toss back with no thoughts or cares.

 

I am hungry she says. Yea well, me too. I am proud of you, she says. Yea well, thanks. Doesn’t change the fact that I am hungry. Bitch.

 

Anyway, back on track. I head home. I walk in the door, it is pitch black, save the TV. “The guy” is sound asleep on the couch with 2 pizza boxes on the coffee table in front of him.

 

I almost walked right back out the door. Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?

 

There are no words to explain the hissy fit that immediately followed. It was nasty. He doesn’t understand when I scream “DO YOU NOT GET THAT I HAVE TO BE IN A BRIDESMAID’S DRESS IN 1 MONTH!?

 

I could have killed him. I thought about it but, I thought better of it. My fat ass wouldn’t do well in prison.

 

I went to bed starving. No doughnuts, no Cool Ranch Doritos and no BBQ Chicken Pizza for my fat butt yesterday.

 

I am going to try on my bridesmaid’s dress later today.

 

Wish me luck.

 

Come back later, I am going to post again.

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~ by Kendall on October 15, 2008.

2 Responses to “Murder in the Hernandez house”

  1. Ohhhhh. m. g. I would have totally kicked him square in the ass. Poor KG!! Men are losers when it comes to being supportive during weight loss. But you have us!! I’m sorry yesterday was tough on you! You made it through though! 1 small step at a time!!

    Love ya girlie! Keep it up!!

  2. YAY for you for passing everything up!!!! I know it sucks but you will so happy when you are a skinny bitch again!!!!! Keep it up girl!

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